The Penumbra Extinction

The Bull, the Fox and the Raven

An approximately accurate account

So, guys, I started on a slightly-fictionalised account of our time in Ardeyn so far—I figure if we’re on an adventure in a fantasy world, it ought to read a bit like a fantasy novel, no? Haven’t got to the big fight yet. Just yell if I need to change anything!
—Daniel

PS Sorry about the bad Latin but you know what we used to do in my Latin classes!


The three brave adventurers met in a tavern, as adventurers are wont to do. Marcus Taurus, thruster of spears, and Maximus Corvus, weaver of dreams, sat at the table quaffing ale while the eager young mage, Danierin Vulpes, wielder of flame made his way through the crowd to the bar.

‘Ho there, keeper of liquor, I require another whisky and would know what rumours abound in this place—rumours that might interest a stout band of adventurers!’

‘Uh… yeah, that’ll be two crowns for the whisky. And just look at the sodding adventurer’s board if you’re trying to find something to do!’

‘Oh.’ Daniel took the whisky, tail somewhat between his legs. Or would’ve been if he’d still had it. He put two crowns on the bar.

The barman sighed. ‘Well, now I feel like I kicked a puppy or something. Fine, fine…’ He cleared his throat. ‘There is a dreadful pox upon the… uh… neighbourhood to the west. Zig the Swindler takes openly from the poor what they cannot afford—a nastier piece of work there hasn’t been in many a moon! I’m sure many would be grateful were a band of brave adventurers to end this scourge!’

Danierin grinned broadly and tossed down an extra five crowns.

The barman returned the grin. ‘Thanks, mate,’ he said adding a hefty dollop of whisky to the fox’s mug. ‘And you really should have a look at the board too. Good luck!’

❧❧❧

‘Well, the barman did mention this Zig guy to me, and he sounds like a dick so we should probably head there first.’

‘Yes but, Daniel, should we go rushing into a fight?,’ asked Maxwell. ‘Why not just see what the Smith wants? Think of the side-quest XP!’

The little mage grimaced. ‘But it’s a fed-ex quest, I just know it!’

Maxwell thought a moment. ‘Daniel, have you considered that Ivan the smith is probably working shirtless in a hot room? Sweat and muscles and leather…’

Mark snorted a half-suppressed laugh as Daniel shifted in his seat and scratched an entirely phantom head itch.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’

Daniel shrugged then wiggled his fingers and an illusory chalk board appeared. A spectral hand drew a chalk line next to a Raven’s head and the board vanished.

❧❧❧

‘Well, at least it wasn’t a fed-ex quest,’ said Maxwell as they stepped back into the street.

‘No, it was a random loot drop quest! A wander the wilderness until you happen on a chunk of metal quest. And he had his shirt on!’

Mark shook his head and chuckled a little. ‘Are you ever not horny?’

‘It’s the Adderall!’

Maxwell’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You take that here? Does it work in a magic world?’

Daniel shrugged. ‘It’s not Adderall exactly. I got a potion. And, well, it’s definitely having an effect.’

Maxwell shook his head. ‘Well, if you notice you’ve had an erection for more than four hours, be sure to tell us so we can find you a leech!’

‘Oh, ha ha!’ said Daniel, rolling his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something then shut it and was quiet a moment, stroking his chin. ‘Actually, that would probably work.’

‘Are you saying we need to find you a leech?’

‘No.’ Daniel smirked. ‘I’m saying I can use my magic powers to jerk off under this robe and you have no idea I’m doing it.’

‘Oh god! I did not need that image!’

The board appeared and a line was drawn next to the fox head before it disappeared.

‘Hey, not so fast, Danny boy! I get a point for the leech comment!’

Daniel sighed. ‘Yeah, I guess. Actually, you probably get two for that.’

‘Hey, what do I get points for?’ asked Mark.

‘Breaking things?’ suggested Daniel.

Mark grinned. ‘I am so going to win this! So, I’m a bull? Why not a bear?’

‘Because you do not want him thinking of you as a bear!’

Daniel sniggered and added another line to Maxwell’s score.

❧❧❧

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Ceritus wasthatwise

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